Archives for posts with tag: family

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It’s been a rough start to 2014 or rather a difficult end to 2013, and the sadness has followed us into the New Year. AJ and I are animal people, it’s one of the greatest things that we have in common. But this past week, we had to say goodbye to one of our little darlings. LB was a fabulous pet- sweet, cuddly, easy going- really you can’t ask for more in a ferret.

Five days ago, he started suffering, and it was clear he was in pain. So at 1 AM AJ rushed him to the emergency vet, where they found not one, but 3 stones in his bladder. One of the stones was blocking his bladder completely, to the point where it wouldn’t empty and was ready to burst. The poor little guy had to go worse than ever, and the pressure just continued to build.

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Worse still, was the fact that even if the offending stone was removed, there were two more ready to take it’s place. With tears in her eyes, the vet explained to AJ that LB likely wouldn’t make it through one surgery, let alone three. Here’s where I have my biggest regret- I wasn’t there to hold AJ’s hand when he received that news. He had to absorb the fact that LB couldn’t be helped without being able to lean on me.¬†As soon as we had realized that LB required acute care, AJ had whisked him out the door, and told me to stay put. I had no idea that it was a life or death situation, but something told AJ to protect me, and spare me, as much as possible from any difficult decisions that were to follow.

After a solemn phone conversation, we decided that the only option was to spare LB any more pain- since the vet had advised he didn’t have long and would be in constant agony until the end. So AJ made the final decision, signed the paperwork, and got a few more LB kisses before they ended his discomfort for good.

Now we don’t have any children, so for us, this truly feels like losing a family member. I know my perceptions will shift if I someday become Mommy to a baby with two legs rather than four; but for now, our little circus is all I know. We spent the rest of that long night in alternate tears and silence, sitting on the couch staring at, but not really watching the television.

So as we move farther into 2014, we’re still struggling to shake the sadness and focus on the opportunity for a fresh start. We did adopt some adorable little friends fairly quickly, as LB’s sister was left behind. Ferrets who are paired don’t fare well when they lose their best friends, in fact, they are known to die of a broken heart. To ease her pain ( and in turn ours) we added these guys to our brood:

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Until Later,

Jessa Jay

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Every little girl dreams about the white dress, the ring, and of course the groom. But as of a few years ago, I retired that dream entirely. After a series of failed relationships, I was under no circumstance looking for a committed relationship, let alone the white picket fence. I was completely content with my apartment, new puppy, and gym addicted life style- what more could a girl need?

Then along came AJ. In all respects he was the one that got away. In college we were buddies, and we tap danced around the fact that we were both in relationships during those years- we shared a few clandestine moments in my dorm and his west Philly condo (sorry Ashely and Bill- but you’re both married now, so all’s well that ends well, right?). But to my dismay, nothing serious ever evolved back then, at least nothing beyond a solid friendship. So when we started chatting again, I was thrilled with the chance at a real date.

That first real date turned into an entire weekend, and a few weeks later he packed up his stuff and we somehow found a way to cram it all into my one bedroom place. From there came a bigger place, new jobs and a distinctly intertwined life. We share a space, bank accounts and things- we own kitchen gadgets, pets, furniture together. If a ring suddenly appeared on my finger tomorrow, would it change one thing about our daily lives? Not one bit.

As a result of our year and a half relationship, my desire for the white picket fence and all of it’s accoutrements has reared its ugly head once again. To the point of secret pinterest boards, and lofty web searches for the perfect ring. But alas, the man who captured my heart has no desire for marriage- no understanding of how a piece of paper can validate our feelings- and as I stated just in the previous paragraph, it wouldn’t change our lives a bit- except that it would.

I can’t quantify the reasons why its important, why husband and wife is so different than just Jessa and AJ. But it just is. As an atheist and agnostic, we don’t associate the typical religious or spiritual ideologies with matrimony- so those justifications don’t hold any water. I guess I just see it as a commitment, a binding agreement, in front of family and friends to navigate life together. To be, and create a family. But could we do those things without wedding vows? Yes. Are we already doing some of those things? Yes.

As each day passes, and more Facebook friends change their relationship statuses to “engaged”, do I resign myself to be forever “in a relationship”? AJ isn’t heartless, he is a good strong man, who is in fact willing to do the marriage thing- for me. But can a wedding really hold the significance its supposed to when the groom’s heart’s not in it?

Until Later,

Jessa Jay

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