Archives for posts with tag: wedding

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Every little girl dreams about the white dress, the ring, and of course the groom. But as of a few years ago, I retired that dream entirely. After a series of failed relationships, I was under no circumstance looking for a committed relationship, let alone the white picket fence. I was completely content with my apartment, new puppy, and gym addicted life style- what more could a girl need?

Then along came AJ. In all respects he was the one that got away. In college we were buddies, and we tap danced around the fact that we were both in relationships during those years- we shared a few clandestine moments in my dorm and his west Philly condo (sorry Ashely and Bill- but you’re both married now, so all’s well that ends well, right?). But to my dismay, nothing serious ever evolved back then, at least nothing beyond a solid friendship. So when we started chatting again, I was thrilled with the chance at a real date.

That first real date turned into an entire weekend, and a few weeks later he packed up his stuff and we somehow found a way to cram it all into my one bedroom place. From there came a bigger place, new jobs and a distinctly intertwined life. We share a space, bank accounts and things- we own kitchen gadgets, pets, furniture together. If a ring suddenly appeared on my finger tomorrow, would it change one thing about our daily lives? Not one bit.

As a result of our year and a half relationship, my desire for the white picket fence and all of it’s accoutrements has reared its ugly head once again. To the point of secret pinterest boards, and lofty web searches for the perfect ring. But alas, the man who captured my heart has no desire for marriage- no understanding of how a piece of paper can validate our feelings- and as I stated just in the previous paragraph, it wouldn’t change our lives a bit- except that it would.

I can’t quantify the reasons why its important, why husband and wife is so different than just Jessa and AJ. But it just is. As an atheist and agnostic, we don’t associate the typical religious or spiritual ideologies with matrimony- so those justifications don’t hold any water. I guess I just see it as a commitment, a binding agreement, in front of family and friends to navigate life together. To be, and create a family. But could we do those things without wedding vows? Yes. Are we already doing some of those things? Yes.

As each day passes, and more Facebook friends change their relationship statuses to “engaged”, do I resign myself to be forever “in a relationship”? AJ isn’t heartless, he is a good strong man, who is in fact willing to do the marriage thing- for me. But can a wedding really hold the significance its supposed to when the groom’s heart’s not in it?

Until Later,

Jessa Jay

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I have never been the type to have a large group of girlfriends. I’ve always tended to stick closest to one or two people; the ones I know I can trust. Corie is one of those people. Friends from the first day of art class in 7th grade, there isn’t much we haven’t shared in over 13 years of friendship. And despite her frequent relocations and the many miles between us as a result of her military career- we continue to remain extremely close friends.

So today Corie and I were messaging back and forth, catching up on the holiday weekend’s festivities. She had met up with some old friends from high school, girls that she was closer with than I had been. One of them in particular- a short, serious brunette named Bree, had seemed to have finally found happiness. She had met an attractive, friendly guy, and they had moved in together. This information was par for the course- our conversations often revolve around old friends who have coupled up, gotten married, or had babies.

However there was an unusual exception to Bree’s happily ever; Bree and her new man were waiting until marriage.
Hold the phone- no sex? They were going to sign the papers without ever having taken a test drive?

Apparently, Bree had become quite dedicated to her faith over the years, and her new man shared her beliefs. Despite living, showering and sleeping in the same home, they were keeping it in their pants.

Unbelievable.

Furthermore, I suppose to cut down on temptation, they also had separate bedrooms. Because, I’m sure, that must’ve been the way god intended it.

Now hold on a moment- before anyone gets their panties in a twist- I am not hating on god, jesus or their various ghosts or spirits (or something like that. My personal lack of faith also comes with a healthy dose of ignorance- I’ve never been to bible study). I understand and respect the fact that some people have faith. Who am I to judge anyone’s relationship with religion? But no sex? That I can judge.

What if when the fated wedding night finally arrives, she’s breathlessly waiting to consummate the marriage, and it’s a disaster? Awkward elbows, knees, and angles that just don’t work. Imagine the disappointment, when she realizes that this is what she has just signed up for until death do they part.

I mean obviously no one expects their first time to be earth shattering. The most memorable part of my own first time was after the deed had been done. After the five minute marathon was over, I sat up from my uncomfortable position in the backseat and said, “that…was it?” I mean, we were seventeen and in the backseat of a car- but still, a wedding night shouldn’t be fraught with the same awkwardness as two teenagers in a Pontiac.

Until Later,

Jessa Jay

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